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[November 28th, 2009] |
1. I laugh at you.
2. I always have.
3. Your pathetic, you have zero coping skills, your self centred, childish, unintelligent and I can't believe I ever assumed we had anything in common.
4. THANKFULLY I no longer have to maintain tightly sealed lips and censor my own thoughts for fear your small brain may not be able to cope with reality.
5. I don't care if I should be over it, I still laugh at you.
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[November 23rd, 2009] |
It has come to my attention that I am in dire need of one thing, discipline. I really lack this human quality.
I need more discipline in general, but here are a few main areas it affects my life.
- saving money
- ALSO not buying worlthless, useless things that I dont need, I only buy to fill boredom.
- weight loss.
- university, the "effectivity" of "Cramming" is a stupid excuse for lack of discipline.
- housework/home organisation, I have so much to do around here, that I put off.
- life organisation such as planning, and budgeting, THAN following those plans and budgets.
- routine, I ALWAYS throw my routine out the window, any routine that doesnt directly affect Zac.
- Fittnes and GENERAL health. I Exercise one week, than don't the next. I NEVER take my iron tablets.
So basically, I need more discipline. I need a clear cut routine that I follow, weekly, daily, hourly, whatever. BUT I have this issue where if one signle thing, one plan,one meal, one financial issue, doesnt go to plan, than I am thrown completely out of my depth and I give up.
I am completely positive that I cant change this alone, because, I DONT have the discipline to do so.
I am going to give it one last try, and then I am going to seek help.
I could totally be living a better, more fulfilling life, yet I am not going after it. Its not like its even a huge effort to get to it, its just doing the basic daily requirments. I am an idiot to not pursue this life.
I hope somthing changes, soon. I hope I change it.
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[June 25th, 2009] |
I feel good today.... possibly because this is what is sitting in front of me....
Gah. I love him more than life itself. You guys are going to regret encouraging me to upload photos lol.
I feel like good things are just around the corner. I can feel it. Every now and then Brent and I go through these periods of ... well luck? I guess you could call it. Things just go so right for some odd amount of time. I can feel one of these times coming on.
I cannot wait to find a house, if all goes to plan I should be able to afford it not the monday coming but the one after. Im so excited and nervous. Im excited to have my own things, my own set up etc, but im so nervous that my stuff is all wrecked from transit/ storage :( almost to the point that I DONT want to see it.
Things will all be different when I have my own place. I cant wait to have things to do all day, housework, cooking, preparing, planning, organising, washing, all of it. I thrive on being busy and I cannot wait.
Brent starts night shift on Monday, for two months to start with and possibly permanant (were not sure until close to the end of the two months) I cant believe I get to spend all day with him :) Im so very excited. It will be amazing to have him, and his help while Zac is actually awake, currently I do it entirely by myself for th emost part of the day, Brent does everything posible at night/ early mornings so I am extremely lucky because these are the times I need a break, but it will be fantastic to have his help in the day while Zac is actually awake for longer than an hour lol.
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[June 11th, 2009] |
My cousin died last night.
She was fourteen. She has had a hole in her heart her entire life. She also had cerebral palsy.
Her heart just stopped working.
I feel kind of... torn apart.
EDIT: because I feel like elaborating.
Watching my aunty this morning... I dont think I'll ever forget that. She is the woman, the life blood of our entire family. She is the one whom holds it all together. She picks up everyone of her brothers and sisters whenever they fall down (my aunst, uncles and my dad) She takes in family after family and sends them off completely set up and ready to face the world. She has taken in myself to live with her at one stage and tons of my cousins. She is fantastic. To see her, so vulnerable. Blah. Her daughter, was so severely disabled, yet every day my aunty took care of her, my aunty put every part of herself into her. So many parents reject children with such severe disabilities, not my aunt. My aunt went out (in her TINY amount of spare time while her daughter was asleep) and became qualified in nursing, so that she could look after more children like her daughter while her daughter occasionally spent quality time with her father or our grandparents.
My aunty is amazing. My cousin was amazing and wonderful and cheerful and lit up a room, she lit up our family. Ive never seen a family be so overtly obsessed with a child that was so lacking in basic communicative skills. We just adored, understood and loved her completely.
I cannot fathom the idea of her just, wel just not being around anymore. I hadn't seen her in TWO years because of living in Mackay, I went to visit the other night and she was asleep. My aunty offered to wake her so I could say hello and I said no, because I didnt want to disturb her. I said 'I'll come and see her next week and spend some time with her' ...
... never, EVER say next week, tomorrow, later. Do it now.
It hurts.
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[May 17th, 2009] |
My cousins bands first ever video clip :) yayyy Pretty awesome for amateurs.
My cousin is the lead singer - the guy with the 'emo black' nail polish on. lol.
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[March 29th, 2009] |
So im not pregnant, lol.
Im a little dissapointed, but im also happy. Were gonna start trying when zac is one. I just hope it doesnt take as long as last time.
Im going to 'jenny craig' on monday (tomorrow) to lose this weight. im kind of excited.
i cant remember if i already mentioned it but i work five days a week now, babysitting - childcare.
i dont have much tosay at the moment but im gonna get the internet next week at home, one of those usb type ones that you pre pay, hassle free.
ANYHOW
thats it.
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[March 16th, 2009] |
im still alive, safe, well, happy and healthy.
Zac is amazing, brent is too. Brent has a new job, i work three days a week doing childcare in my home, im about to take on a fourth day as well as sign up for a councelling course because i think ill be goodat it and i miss working outside of home. I had postnatal depression, have it, but im working through it and im feeling amazing and learning alot about life in the process, i feel amazing and fullfilled and proud. I love my life right right now and im slowly turning it into somthing i will love and enjoy forever
i also may be pregnant again :)
i love life.
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[February 17th, 2009] |
cant say much im at an internet cafe and im very rushed. Im fine, things are fine. Brent s till hasnt worked, we sold th emotorbike and have been living on that money, were now out of money lol. Brents applying for jobs like crazy in order to avoid going on government payments....
our new house is great. My little man is great, healthy and happy.
everythings fine. :)
miss you guys. xoxox
will get the net on when brent gets a job.
hope your all going well.
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| zacs santa photo |
[December 23rd, 2008] |
zaccys santa photo :)
we hadnt planned on getting it but when we went in to the shops (to have alook around) there wasnt much of a line so we just got the photo done, he was all covered in drool and not remotely dressed up lol but i think its perfect :)
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